Ron and I showed up at the Bloodmobile in Williamstown this afternoon for my 1 PM appointment. We flunked the physical, too anemic, but I’m glad that we did.

I had a full blown panic attack for reasons that have nothing to do with giving blood or the workers.

The bloodmobile staff didn’t react as one might hope medical people would when a patient is in distress.  They smirked, bullied a little and argued.

The important thing is the reason why it happened. It occurred to me afterwards that this was the third time I reacted like this and interestingly enough, two of those times were here in Williamstown.

The first time it happened was on an airplane from Washington DC to Boston. The plane landed off schedule to allow a small, dark-haired woman to be taken off for medical care.

I got off the plane, too, and refused to get back on, fearing that something terrible would happen.

Earlier this year, similar event: I had started to join an exercise class at the local senior center but when I saw that the other participants were thin and nice-looking, I felt that I couldn’t stay there, that I didn’t belong and something terrible would happen if I stayed.

I’m not sure of the source but it’s clearly a trauma I suffered earlier in life, or maybe the sum of similar traumas. Good-looking people terrify me. Maybe some day I’ll understand why.

Ron frequently refers to events from his childhood. It occurred to me that I never do because of the two generations of people I got to know between my childhood and now.

So, when I think about sunscreen, I remember James demanding to know “What are you doing to Emme’s (y)egs” whereas Ron talks about getting lubricated as a child.

This is very odd to me, like he had amnesia for sixty-some odd years. Even though he met Peter a long time ago, he doesn’t recall memories of Peter or the grands between now and then.

Seems to me he missed out on a lot for the freedom to sleep on other people’s floors and other indignities, but those were his choices and whether or not he regrets them is his business, not mine.

It rained last night from the looks of things.

Yesterday I finished planting tomatoes and larkspur from the North Adams School Nursery. Made Martha Stewart’s favorite potato salad. Good recipe!

Roxie’s Barkery hosted a presentation from the Berkshire Humane Society’s Behavior Specialist. Lots of helpful ideas. I came home with a bone chew and an Enrichment lick mat. Jett loves the bone.

Full day and the weather cooperated: cooled off a little, sunny, nice to be outside.

Ron and I brought trash and yard trimmings to the transfer station, then drove to Walmart so I could pick up a prescription and do a shop.

I did some more planting. At this point, we have squash, morning glories, nasturtiums, lavender, cukes, tomatoes and beans in the big deck planters. I planted brussel sprouts and penstemon in the middle garden. Hope to get the Larkspur in the ground tomorrow.

Salad and ice cream for lunch.

Jett loved them, Ron and I enjoyed them. Had a pint of blueberries to use up and gave Ron a choice of how. Had a memory flash of picking blueberries at Coonamessett Farm in the summer.

Bought four Rice Krispy bars at a fundraiser last evening on my way to the library. Jett had one, Ron had one, I had one. We’ll see who gets the fourth.

Using the ceiling fans, I think for the first time. Electric company is urging conservation. We are in the midst of unseasonable heat. I am thinking about the performers on the White House South Lawn this Sunday.

Jett and I went shopping at the North Adams school district nursery, which is clearing its greenhouses. We picked up vegetables and flowers, some for free.

Back at the house, I struggled to reattach the tonneau cover. Had one side done and of course, Ron loosened it so it has to be done all over again.

I have asked him if he’d treat a roommate as he does me. Of course not, he replied.

Ron brought a load of recyclable paper to the transfer station before it closed.

I did some planting and watering. No rain and more record-breaking heat.

Made scones yesterday.

They puffed up and browned beautifully but they were more like biscuits than scones.

Meanwhile, Ron not only found his old Beltone hearing aids but charged them up and is wearing them with success.

Why he felt he had to buy new Opticon hearing aids is a mystery.

It’s bright and sunny today and the pollen is intolerable. A disappointment, I was hoping for rain.

Since I’m more comfortable inside, I took on a task that was long overdue, figuring out how much Ron would need to cover my share of household expenses. My credit union has a nifty tool that allows you to categorize and summarize your spending. We already have burial insurance so even a small policy would give Ron some welcome breathing room.

We’ve been added to our credit union’s over 55 “club” that grants us some benefits that sound interesting.

I made an appointment to donate blood next Monday at the library.

Ron is making an attempt to frame two pieces of artwork. I’d started work on them but he claimed they were not done correctly.

Wished Alyssa a happy birthday!

It’s 87 degrees and muggy.

I’ve been trying to order glasses from Eyeconic, Ron’s VSP provider, and finally got through their website today.

They are using reCAPTCHA but it’s set up poorly. It’s needed in order to provide a PD measurement; for that matter, it’s difficult to obtain with anyone else’s online tools. So I ended up using the laptop camera to put dots on my glasses and figured good enough.

I put together an apple crisp and a potato and cheese casserole for lunch/supper. Scrubbed the produce, kept the skins. Both got good reviews from Ron.

Today we had grilled cheese and tomato sandwiches and Caesar salad. Yesterday we had egg salad; the makings were free. We pretty much coasted food-wise through the rest of the day.

Today we did laundry and changed the sheets.

The Silene Virginica planted last year has started to bloom. The peony in the driveway garden is beautiful this year. The Winterberry is a surprise, much fuller than when I planted it, pathetic stick thing that it was.

I was cross with the Berkshire Conservation District when I picked it up at Holiday Brook Farm last September, thinking they stuck me with a dud. Guess they hadn’t. Can’t remember the other two that I got at the same time. The plant identifier app is ambiguous, gave me a couple of different readings.

We stopped for the first time at Mount Williams Greenhouses. Brought home a six pack that looks like penstemon but isn’t. Doesn’t matter, makes me happy we stopped at Whitney’s yesterday for the real deal.

Happened to come across photos of my old gardens on Dixon. How I’ve missed them. It has healed my heart somewhat to bring their like to our property on Henderson.

Ron mowed, front and back. Yard looks great.

They had to put Rugby to sleep and brought him home today. Devastating for them and sad for the rest of us. He was a good doggo and we looked forward to seeing him as he greeted us at the shop.

Rugby was the first member of Andi’s crew to greet me when I first visited Remedy Hall. He was skittish then, no surprise there, it was a dungeon, but much happier in their present location which is nicer, brighter and more spacious. He was lucky to have such good “parents”.

They are planning a memorial on his birthday, July 30, at Wild Soul River. It will be a remembrance ceremony for everyone who has lost a pet.

I am trying not to cry. Will miss him.

Ron had an accident.

We went to Pittsfield for framing material. On the way back stopped at Whitney’s for a Penstemon and at Walmart for my meds and at West’s for beer. Picked up sweets at Wild Oats for Andi and Dan, dropped them off at Remedy.

I tried ordering glasses from eyeconic but after multiple failures gave up.

Luckily it’s a pleasant day, cooler than yesterday and the rain held off. I watched the ceremony online.

Was intrigued by the Phi Beta Kappa speaker’s deeply introspective oration, so much so that I transcribed it. Several recent cultural references, like “What are your Whys” and James Baldwin’s “The Creative Process”.

My restless crazed monkey brain keeps me from figuring out my Whys. I get to “Survival” and come to a dead stop.

Ron did laundry.

The new bar code reader from eBay arrived yesterday; I confirmed that it can read and write to a document on the PC. Word’s barcode generator works great. Last week I figured out .bat files and database backup programming, this week maybe I’ll make progress on populating the orders table with barcode readings.

Rain started in the afternoon and continued for a while. Pollen was heavy, hoped at least some of it washed away.

Ron made corn for supper!