– Give that good looking boy in shop class a try.
\n– Stop smoking.
\n– Don’t even attempt to fit in with the true-blue-Jewish kids.
\n– Change your name as soon as you can legally do it.
\n– Take at least a year off between high school and college.
\n– Don’t attend that stuffy, uptight institution that beneficently granted you early admission.
\n– Find a place that likes blond, blue-eyed, athletic women and live there.
\n– Master tennis or golf.
\n– Get into programming as an undergrad.
\n– Stick with guitar lessons.
\n– Hire a private investigator to find your mother before she dies in 1979.
\n– Get your own photographer to take your high school graduation photo.
\n– Forget about everyone in your adoptive family except for your father, your cousin Cara and your aunt Margaret.
\n– Don’t believe anything that the “experts” tell you. They are probably wrong.
\n– Name your son “Todd”.
\n– Don’t let the sons of bitches get you down.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
– Give that good looking boy in shop class a try. – Stop smoking. – Don’t even attempt to fit in with the true-blue-Jewish kids. – Change your name as soon as you can legally do it. – Take at … Continue reading